


Skittery Flowers

by i_need_more_sleepzzz



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Gen, Mention of drinking, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24289279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_need_more_sleepzzz/pseuds/i_need_more_sleepzzz
Summary: Life isn't sunshine and roses, and it's difficult for Skittery to handle. He becomes so used to feeling numb, he'll do anything to feel something again.
Relationships: implied Kid Blink/Mush Meyers
Comments: 7
Kudos: 4





	Skittery Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> Written in first person perspective of Skittery, as if he is looking back and retelling the story.

It's not like I wanted things to be that way. But having dead parents and no one to turn to ain't easy. 'specially for a little guy. I tried to block that part out of my life; it hurts too much to think about. Sometimes, it even worked, just for a split second. I'd be sitting, and I don't even remember what I use to have. 'til I see a family walk by. I can't help but feel jealous. And what orphan wouldn't be? It ain't fair, but life ain't fair, I guess. That's what we say, anyways, to distract ourselves. But sometimes, most times, to be honest, something stronger is needed to take away the pain. Lying awake at night ain't fun, so a few drinks to get yourself to pass out ain't an uncommon thing. And there ain't a kid I know who ain't itching to get his hands on a cigar nearly every moment of the day. But as numbing as it is, nothing'll ever fully blot the pain away. The pain I deserved. And that's how it started I guess. I thought I deserved it.  
~  
Now, must've been 13 when I started feeling that. I'd been long used to the never-endin' ache of life, but I guess aging changes things. I hated myself, more than I ever hated anybody before. More than any crap bully, more than Weisel or them damn Delancys. I couldn't look myself in the eye. Passing by mirrors and puddles made me sick in the stomach. I couldn't place why I had these feelings, just that they were there, and I didn't feel like there was anything I could do about it.  
And the feelings didn't stop. Filled with rage, anger, hatred, one day as I faced myself in the cracked bathroom mirror, I couldn't take it. I slapped myself across the face. Hard. Immediately, I felt an ounce of regret, not for the pain I'd caused, but 'cuz I knew it'd leave a mark. People couldn't know I did this. What would they even think? But, the pain had felt like it knocked something into me. I couldn't place what. But the sharpness of it was new, different than the old, dull, numbness I'd felt for years. Instantly forgetting any regrets I had, I punched down on the side of my thigh, knowing that any bruises here would be hidden. It hurt like hell, but I couldn't stop. It wasn't until I had felt a drip on my leg that I faltered, suddenly aware of the tears streaming down my face. I looked up, into the mirror, and saw the person I hated once more, and turned away as quick as I could. I wiped my face with my arm, and left the bathroom, part of me feeling better, but mostly feeling like I now had a bigger burden to bear.  
~  
That was just the start. It went on like that for about 8 months. Eventually, I got used to the bruising. I needed something stronger again. The mirror in the lodging house was old, and no one paid attention as the glass was chipping away. That's what I used, for nearly 6 months. The pain was just new enough, just sharp enough, to keep me at bay.  
~  
Now if anyone else do what I'd done, I'd have stopped 'em, told 'em it was bad, that they was worth better treatin' than that. But we never quite see things clear when we deal with the situation ourself every day. And that's what it was. Now, I didn't do it every day, but I happened to be doing it one spring evening, just as the days were starting to get warmer. The changing of the season did nothing for me but cause me to compare myself even more, feeling like I'd never be as important to nobody as the spring blossoms were to everybody. Kinda sappy, I guess, but it was the way I felt. So I'd lock myself in the bathroom, and take the shard of glass to the side of my thigh. I bit my lip hard, holding back tears, as the blood dripped, and I called to mind every reason I deserved this.  
What I hadn't been expecting was for the door to open. If I'd have been in a better state of mind, I'd probably think something like "damn, useless lock" and "why don't kids knock before barging in a bathroom". But given the situation, the only thing running through my mind was "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-". My mind racing, trying to figure out a way to hide what was going on, but not having enough time to move. All this happenin' in a sheer second, the only thing I could do was glance up and see who it was.

Kid Blink and Mush were stifling laughter as they was looking at each other. Suddenly, they looked down at me, sitting on the ground. I made eye contact with Mush, and I saw his face change from his smile, to confusion, and I knew the exact moment he realized what I was doing, because I saw his face go white with disbelief, like he couldn't process what was happening. I couldn't stand the look, so I turned my attention to Blink. His look almost made me feel worse. He had a similar look to what Mush was making, but his quickly changed into anger, though even in my place I could tell it was not anger of hate, but compassion.  
"Skittery, what are you doing?" Blink asked, surprisingly calm, yet firm, as he came closer to me rather quick.  
I glanced back at Mush.  
"Skit…" Mush managed to push out, his voice sounding like it was about to break.  
I looked down at my leg. I felt Blink kneel down beside me, and he grab my hand.  
"Skittery, what are you doing?" he said again, tougher than before as he took the glass from my hands. I followed it with my eyes, biting my lip harder, holding back any emotion, not knowing what to say.  
I felt hands on my shoulders.  
"Skit…" I heard Mush's voice again from behind me, in the same tone as before.  
I couldn't do it. Any efforts still trying to hold back the tears were lost as I broke down. Mush's hands were still on my shoulders as I felt him kneel down, his breath somewhat shaky as I felt it against my neck. Blink's hand left mine, and I heard him get up, and the door close. He then came back, kneeling beside me right as he had been before. I was still sobbing.  
~  
"We need to fix you up." Blink said after a long pause as I started to run out of tears. I heard him tear at his shirt, and he started wrapping the bit around my leg.  
"What're you-" I started.  
"We can't leave this wound open. It ain't healthy," Blink said sternly, still wrapping it up.  
Mush's hands had fallen from my shoulders, and we're now wrapped around me in a hug. "What were you thinking, Skit?" I heard him whisper softly.  
I felt the tears coming back, but I worked to keep them in. "I-" The words got caught in my throat. I was crying again.  
We all sat there quietly. Me bawlin' again, Mush still huggin' me gently, Blink placin' his left hand on my right, and his right hand on my lower leg, far from the cuts so he didn't cause me any pain like I had done to myself.  
As I began to calm down again, I took a deep, but shaky, breath. "I was thinkin'," I started, "that I deserved it." My voice broke, and the tears continued to work there way out, though not a violently as before.  
"Why would you think that?" Mush sounded hurt, and I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault.  
"I- I don't know! It just all hurts so much! But not enough? Just constant. dull. oww!" I didn't feel like my wails made any sense.  
"I get it…" Blink said, and the way he said it, I actually believed him. As I looked up, I saw his eye was glassy, filled with water. I had never seen Blink on the verge of tears before that point. "And let me tell ya, no matter what you feel, no matter what the voices in you head say, no matter what anybody, anywhere ever says, you do not deserve it!" Blink said firmly, as a tear escaped his eye. "Some of us have to learn that the hard way, but it's the truth." I took a deep breath and gulped, and I realized what he was saying. I gave a little nod, and saw Blink glance up at Mush. I felt Mush's grip on me loosen, and he eventually let go and moved next to Blink where I could see him.  
"Skittery, you can't do this to yourself." Mush's voice pleaded, and I saw that he must've been crying silently the entire time.  
"Skit, promise you'll never do this again, ya swear?" Blink said in more of a statement than a question.  
I nodded slightly, though I wasn't sure how truthful I was being.  
"Next time, come to us, ok? We can help you stop, if you let us," Blink continued, and I could tell he cared. I noticed Mush nodding in agreeance with him. I nodded too.  
~  
To say it was all better after that would be a flat out lie. Like with anything, you don't just stop. But, whenever I wanted to cut, I did as I had promised, and went to Blink and Mush. At first I was worried about it. I hadn't been particularly close with them, and I wasn't sure if their offer to help was just in the moment, but no matter what they were doing at the time, if I came to them, they stopped and helped me out. I hadn't expected that to happen. For the first time since I could remember, I had felt like someone genuinely cared about me. Not just one person, but two. Blink and Mush were always there for me, and not only were they my new best friends, but I considered them the family I never really had. Sure, life didn't become perfect, but by the time spring had come 'round again, I felt like I was a bloomin' flower, and that someone had pick me because of how much I meant to them. Kinda sappy, I guess, but it was the way I felt.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I've ever written. I know it's not the best thing ever written, but I'm actually pretty proud of it. I hope you like it!


End file.
